I Miss You, Skulduggery
by happylandfill
Summary: After finally rescuing Skulduggery, seeing him with skin and watching him lose it again, it's back down to mysteries and murders for the Skul Crew.
1. ONE

**skulduggery pleasant**

Valkyrie Cain stumbled through the empty streets of Liverpool, dripping blood as if she were leaving a trail. The footsteps were still behind her. She glanced around her shoulder and saw nothing. These footsteps – they were always there, but she could never see what was making them.

Without Skuldug, there was a hole where her heart should be. She just didn't have the strength to carry on being a private detective – it didn't feel right without Skuldug. After all, he was the one who solved most of the cases, she was just there as his bit-on-the-side.

_FLETCHERS P.O.V_

It's fun following Valkyrie, it creeps her out. I dunno how she ended up in Liverpool though, I think it's because it's so closely tied with Ireland, y'know, where she's from. I dunno how her arm started bleeding either.

"Hey! Valky!" I yelled "What do you think you're doing?"

"Eff off Fletcher!" She replied bitterly. I don't think she likes me.

"Do you want a hand? Or maybe even an arm?" I laughed. She stopped, span around, and hailed abuse at me. Really, I thought it was quite witty.

She eventually stopped shouting stuff at me after about five minutes, and came over to me and wrapped her arms around my neck. "Oh now who's all affectionate," I said, moving back slightly so that I could see her face. I rolled my eyes. She grinned and hugged me again. "You want something don't you?" I asked. She was lovely, yeah, but she wasn't usually this lovely unless she wanted something off me.

"Will you take me back to Haggard? Please?" I knew it.

"My teleportation skills are... _limited._" I replied mockingly. "And you expect me to get you all the way back over there in that state? At least let me take you to a hospital, get yourself fixed up, and then I'll take you back,"

"I hate hospitals," She said, scowling and detangling herself from me. I stared at her for a bit, then sighed and turned my back to her. There was no arguing with Valkyrie. After a few tense moments, I turned around.

"Fine," I rolled my eyes. "One condition,"

"Yes?" she said.

"I get to take you to the hospital when we get back to Ireland. In fact, if I teleport to the wrong place, we go to the hospital there. Okay?"

"Fine." she didn't look too pleased, but I guess she wanted to go home.

"Or, actually, you just tell me what happened to your arm when we get back. Or both, whatever works." She frowned. I stared at her. I know she finds me irresistible.

"For God's sake Fletcher, just take me home!" She yelled.

I wrapped my arm around her waist.

"Hold on," I whispered in her ear.


	2. TWO

_VALKYRIE'S P.O.V_

"Thanks, Fletch," He unwrapped his arm from around my waist, and stood in front of me impatiently.

We were back in Haggard, thank God, and right outside my house. I admit, he's not bad at that teleporting thing. Fletcher stared at me thoughtfully.

"What do you want?" I asked. He was really bugging me.

"You gonna tell me what happened to your arm?"

"Oh, go away Fletch," I said to him, but I couldn't help but smile. At least he cared for me... he seemed to be all I have left now. The only one who's still trying to solve Skulduggery's "case"

"You can explain to me inside," He said, a gorgeous smile creeping onto his face as he walked up to my front door with the intent of inviting himself in. He was so obnoxious.

I opened the door to the familiar smell of my boring, same-old, same-old Haggard house. A couple more months and I'd have Uncle Gordon's massive mansion all to myself. For now though, I'm stuck at home with my parents. They're always out of town though, so I hardly ever see them. Either that or I'm out of town, if you get me. Gordon Edgley was my uncle, but he passed away a good few years away. He left me his mansion, and some other random stuff, I think he left me some money too. My other uncle and aunt – they're foul – he left them a boat and a necklace, which I had to steal anyway. Funny thing about the boat is, my aunt hates the sea. Ironic really.

"I'm gonna grab a bite to eat and clean this up," I said, slipping my shoes off and wandering into the kitchen. After opening almost all the cupboards, the best edible thing I could find was a Heinz Snap-Pot. That'd have to do.

I chucked it in the microwave and turned to the sink to start cleaning the deep rip in my arm, just below my elbow. I started running the water, filling the sink with both hot and cold water to make it just the right temperature so I didn't freeze my arm or get second degree burns on top of the cut. I got some kitchen roll and I was carefully dabbing at it when a strong arm wrapped around my waist and took the piece of soggy kitchen roll out of my hand and started stroking away the blood and dirt on my arm.

"You obnoxious little boy," I said to Fletcher.

"Hey – I'm the one with two fully working arms," He smiled and carried on.

The microwave pinged after a few more seconds, and he released me and went over to get the snap pot out.

"Do you want this in a bowl or straight out the pot?" He said, looking up and getting a fork out the top drawer.

"Straight out the pot please, I can't be arsed with the whole bowl thing, I'm starving," I sighed, and turned away from the sink, convinced that my arm had stopped bleeding enough for me to walk around the house. "Get me a bandage?" I said, and he walked off to find one.

_FLETCHER'S P.O.V_

I came straight back with a bandage and some sterile tape stuff, and sorted her arm out. It looked pretty painful. I stood and stared at her again, waiting for an explanation.

It didn't look like I was gonna get one.

"Stop staring at me, Fletch," she said, growing impatient with my staring.

"Tell me what happened then, Valkyrie!" I bet I was more impatient than her.

She stood in silence for a few seconds, staring at the floor, then she moved and went and sat at the breakfast table, y'know, the one with the high stools and stuff. I sat on the other side, pretending to be patient.

"I don't know how," she said after a long pause as she ate some of those beans. I think I overcooked them. I don't do that often, honestly. "But there was a White Cleaver in Liverpool. A White Cleaver, yeah, and an army of Hollow Men. I've no idea how they got there, but I'm sure it's not good. One of Skulduggery's friends tipped me off about some trouble at night round the city centre – not your typical drunk brawling – proper trouble, like monsters and stuff. So I decided to go check it out, I wasn't really expecting anything big. I got a ferry over there and I knew something was wrong, you know, the 'Sixth Sense'? My 'Spidey-senses'? Yeah, I knew something was going on.

"So I explored a bit before it went dark. As soon as it did, though, I couldn't find anything. I went up the street by that big cathedral – still nothing. I figured I'd been punked, so I turned to walk back to the docks when I heard something shuffle behind me, and there was a foul smell.

"I turned around, and there was a Hollow Man lumbering along behind me so I clicked my fingers and made some fire, lobbed it at him. The little flame lit him up and you know, burnt him and all. It also lit up the rest of the street – and there were hundreds of them." she sighed, stood up, walked round to my side of the table and I opened my arms and let her sit on my knee. She put her head on my shoulder and carried on talking. I could live with this, easy.

"And so, like usual, I like crapped my pants and ran, I ran until I lost sight of them. Then I realised, that's not what Skulduggery would have done. He would have fought. He wouldn't run," I rolled my eyes, but facing away from her so she didn't see. Until she got over that bag of bones I wouldn't get anywhere close to her. It's not like she's in love with him. He's like, what, 103? "So I stopped, turned around, and clicked my fingers again. I threw loads of fire at the Hollow Men, but more kept coming. Then, to top it all off – a White Cleaver showed up. He started slashing at me, so I got some air and started trying to buffet him away. It was really difficult, as usual, and without Skuldug... I was doing terribly. So I snapped a pipe off one of the walls and started fighting back. It wasn't working, so I threw one final blow at him, threw some fire at him and some wind, and ran. I ran as fast as I could, but he caught up. He swung his scythe at me; it snagged on my jacket and ripped my arm open. I kept on running.

"There was a thud, and the Cleaver's footsteps just stopped. I guess someone must have done me a favour, either that or he spontaneously combusted right there and then.

"So I rounded a corner, dripping with blood, and slowed to a walk, now that there was no threat. Then the footsteps started again – but that was only you. You know the story," I nodded, and leaned my head on hers.

"So, we got any ideas who this could be?" I said after a long pause. I think she was quite enjoying the silence until I broke it, because she sighed when I spoke. Not a romantic sigh – a pissed off sigh.

"No clue, Fletch. If we had Skulduggery's help-"

"Steph, I hate to break it to you, but he's gone. You have to start doing things your way. Sure he was a great man, he fought a great war – but he's gone and might well not be coming back. I'm not asking you to forget about him, but I am asking you to stop bringing yourself down about his re-death or whatever you want to call it. Okay?" She sniffled. Oh jeez, I made her cry, didn't I? Maybe using her true name was a bad idea, too harsh. I only ever use it in extreme circumstances. "Honestly, I got your best interests at heart. I'm just looking out for you, you know?" I was rushing, trying to make up for myself. I'm really useless at this. One of my few downfalls. Women.

"No, Fletch, it's not your fault. I will try, I promise. It's just..." she paused and sniffled again. My shoulder's going to be soaking. "It's difficult."

"Right, I'll tell you what. You go upstairs, get a shower, get some sleep; I'm going back to London for tonight. I'll be right back in the morning, before you realise I'm even gone. We'll go and visit some old friends tomorrow. Come on, move," I playfully pushed her off my knee and stood up, stretching.

"Night, Valkyrie," I said, and went over to her, kissed the top of her head, and pulled her into a tight embrace.

"Night, Fletcher."


	3. THREE

FLETCHER'S P.O.V

I don't know why I still bother going back to London. It bores me, really. Tramps, millionaires, and fast food. And not forgetting, a big, stinky, sewage-ridden river. Not tempting.

It's not like my family want to see me. They gave up on me when I was twelve. I'm not one of your lovely rich kids, with the perfect families and perfect houses and cleaners. I'm Fletcher Renn, average kid who hangs around on street corners. My 'rents are divorced, and I was forced to choose which one I'd rather pick by a really quite patronising child psychotherapist or whatever. Might have been a social worker, but still, my point is still valid, I was forced into deciding something too important for me to choose at the age of only twelve.

I wandered round the streets of London in the early morning – it was about 5 am and the milkmen and bin men were starting their early-morning routine as usual. There were a couple of boats (obviously not been fishing in the Thames – these fish didn't have three eyes) There was something I really missed about London when I went round travelling the UK with the crackpot cunning skeleton & the hormonal but rather charming Valkyrie. I guess it's just the sense of belong. Ireland isn't really for me at all.

I was hoping to God I didn't bump into Tanith – I don't think she's particularly pleased with me at the moment (has she ever been?) but, as far as my luck goes I knew I was going to. She is, after all, a Londoner herself so you can't really blame her.

"Fletcher Renn," came Tanith's voice from behind me. She said my name like it was a punch line for a great joke she's just told.

"Hey, Tanith," I turned and glanced around for her, seeking her out a couple of metres away, standing on a crate, sword in hand. "You don't seriously see me as any form of a threat, do you?" I asked, smiling.

"Oh, no, sorry," she said, concealing her sword again. "Why? Do you want me to?" she laughed. "No, seriously now,"

"You know I'm no good with serious." I replied.

"Yeah, I remember. Now where's Valkyrie? You're normally joined at the hip," She asked, voice curious. She suspected something was wrong. She was probably right in suspecting that.

"I took her back to Haggard last night and told her to get a shower and some sleep, and that I'd be back in the morning, 'before she even knew I was gone,'" I was getting panicky now.

"Oh, Fletch, you fool! You know we're not meant to leave her on her own, not since Skulduggery!"

"I know, Tan, but she just spends all her time awake, trying to fight battles that aren't her own... She hasn't slept in weeks. Skulduggery's really affected her, I was really worried so I thought the best thing was to make her get some sleep..." The words tumbled messily from my gob. Ah, guilty.

"Right, Fletcher Renn, you are going to take me straight to Haggard right now, no delay. If she's in any kind of trouble – on your head be it." She was pretty pissed.

"C'mon then," I motioned for her to come closer so I could put my arm around her and teleport without leaving half of her behind. She walked over, hesitant to let me hold her. "Oh grow up, Tan, you're 91. I'm 17. Bit of an age difference you think?" I was pretty pleased with myself for working that out so quickly. You see, she was born in 1918, but magic makes you age slower. It's all pretty good.

She slipped an arm around my waist, and I did the same.

"Hold on tight,"

* * *

"Fletcher, where are we?"

"To be perfectly honest, Tanith, I have no fucking clue."

Somehow, we'd managed to get ourselves in the middle of a field. No idea where abouts, but something about it looked familiar.

"Hey! Isn't this the field that-"

"The same field Skulduggery and Valkyrie had fought the Faceless Ones in, yeah. Jeez, this brings back memories," I shuddered at those 'memories'.

"You don't think... the Diablerie rigged your teleport thing do you? Like, they forced you to come here?" Tanith asked, worried.

"I'm not sure and I don't wanna be. We're leaving, come here," I wrapped my arm around her waist and teleported again.


	4. FOUR

_general P.O.V_

Something was in the house. Valkyrie didn't want to find out what.

She hid under the covers and waited for a few minutes until her heart rate slowed back down to normal. She reached for her phone under the pillow – it was 5:33 am. Definitely not her parents then.

She gathered up the courage and slid out of bed; got the butter knife off her bedside table (She'd brought it upstairs with the toast last night when she went to bed) and crept out of the door. The floorboard creaked. Whatever was downstairs obviously heard it, because it stopped moving.

Valkyrie walked slowly and carefully across the landing, with her back to the walls so nothing could creep up on her from behind. She reached the stairwell, and stole a glance downstairs. There was something glowing.

"Fletch?" Fletcher, glowing? She laughed out loud, and instantly regretted it. There was a shadow cast up the stairwell from the glowing light. It shuffled closer, getting taller as it moved up the stairs. The figure causing it stepped into view and flicked the lights on.

"TANITH!" She yelled, and sprinted down the stairs, tripping on the last step and flying into her arms, laughing like a maniac.

"Whoa, Val, chill it," She said, laughing too.

"How did you get here?" Valkyrie said, unwrapping my arms. "Are you here with Fletcher? Did he bring you back? He said he was going to Lon-" A pair of strong arms enveloped her from behind. She span around. Fletcher stood at the foot of her stairs, grinning like a Cheshire cat. Tanith laughed, opening her bag.

"I brought treats!" She said, pulling out a box of cookie mix. "Come on,"

They walked into the kitchen, and Valkyrie switched the light on.

"What the..." Fletcher said, kicking a spoon across the floor.

The kitchen looked like it had been in a nuclear war. The drawers were upturned and ripped out, the kitchen sink was smashed, the granite worktop had a crack running along it, the glass on the microwave was destroyed, and everything in the cupboards had been strewn on the floor, along with some blood, a fragment of bone... and a note - a ransom note. Valkyrie screamed, and crouched down with her back against the wall.

"My parents are gonna _kill_ me."

"You're worried about what your parents are going to think? Doesn't it even concern you that the person who did this _could have done this to you?_! Aren't you at all worried about who did this?" Fletcher yelled, worried sick to the core.

"I-I" Valkyrie struggled to get her words out.

"Hey Fletcher, how about, lay the fuck off and go sit in the living room and calm down. It's not like you're making this any better." Tanith said coolly. Fletcher's jaw dropped, but he shut it immediately and stormed out. They heard the TV switch on in the lounge. "Come on, hush, calm down, we'll get this sorted out now. Go sit at the table, and I'll clean all of this up." Valkyrie wandered off, and Tanith got to work.

She got the dustpan and brush and started getting all the broken glass off the worktop and the floor, picked up the piece of bone and the note, and then took a mop to the floor. She mopped up all the blood and then collected together all of the cutlery on the floor, threw it in the sink, and fixed the drawers.

After about five minutes, she finished cleaning, called Fletcher back in and put the kettle on. She held the note out in front of her.

"Who wants to read it, then?" Tanith said after a tense moment. Valkyrie snatched it out of her hand, and started to read it out loud.

"_STEPHANIE EDGLEY._

_WE HAVE FOUND THE SKULL OF THE LATE SKULDUGGERY PLEASANT." _Valkyrie gasped._ "WE UNDERSTAND IT IS OF GREAT VALUE TO YOU. WE ARE WILLING TO MAKE A DEAL._

_GIVE US THE BOY – WE GIVE YOU THE SKULL."_ She looked at Fletcher, then at Tanith, who was staring at the page like it was a bomb.

"_BEST WISHES TO YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS."_


	5. FIVE

**a bit of songfic in this chapter, credit to linkin park.  
**

* * *

F_LETCHER'S P.O.V_

Well. If she gets the skull off them – she gets Skulduggery back and I lose out in two ways.

I'm the sacrifice for Skulduggery.

I lose out on Valkyrie; 'cause she'll get Skulduggery back and I'll get pushed out the picture.

And if they do take me, it's not like the bag of bones and his crew are going to come save me. None of them would miss me. I'd be taken away to whoever these people are, traded like a Pokémon card.

Fantastic.

"I'm so sorry Fletcher..." Valkyrie said, standing up to come and give me a hug. I waved her away.

"It doesn't matter. You want your skeleton back." I stood up and walked towards the door.

"Fletch! Where do you think you're off to?" Tanith followed me.

"I'm turning myself in," I looked behind her, to see Valkyrie standing in the hallway. She was beautiful. "I'd do anything for you, Valkyrie. Anything to see you happy again, even if it means turning myself in to get Skulduggery back," I paused and put my shoes on, and opened the front door. I looked back. "I love you, Valkyrie."

_When my time comes, forget the wrong that I've done, help me leave behind some reasons to be missed. Don't resent me, and when you're feeling empty, keep me in your memory, leave out all the rest, leave out all the rest._

_Forgetting all the hurt inside you've learned to hide so well, pretending someone else can come and save me from myself; I can't be who you are, I can't be who you are._

_SKULDUGGERY'S P.O.V_

"Queen of hearts, Jack of hearts, King of hearts." I said, laying the cards down on the crate.

"Damn, Skul, when did yer get so good?" Chris said, laughing.

This was how we usually spent our nights round here – we sit and play blackjack and poker all night. We bet with bones and occasionally interesting junk we find on the floor.

"Well, I am a master of the arts," I said, winking.

"That indeed yer are, Skul," Chris grinned. "So, what's going on with this Valkyrie girl then eh?" He raised his eyebrows.

"You tell me," I replied, gathering together the cards. "I haven't seen her in a while, there's a good chance she's continued with her life – got a boyfriend (God forbid if that boyfriend is Fletcher Renn), got married, had kids – anything, really. I don't know how time works here."

"Aye, mate, time isn't relevant here. Who needs time? We know we got forever up here..." He grinned lopsidedly. "But really. I bet she's waiting back home for yer right now. Praying for yer too." Somehow, this crazy Scottish pirate's words were awfully comforting. "Mayhap's she'll even find yer skull fer yer too. Take yer back to Ireland."

"I guess we can hope, Chris," I said. I am hoping, and I'll be hoping until the day I die in this hell hole. I tried to concentrate my thoughts, shout them in my head, and broadcast them back to Earth. _I love you, Valkyrie._

_TANITH'S P.O.V_

"SKULDUGGERY?" Val yelled suddenly.

"What is it?" I asked, rushing over to her.

"I-I HEARD HIM!" She shut her eyes and pushed me away.

"Val," I gave her my best sceptical look.

"No, Tanith! Don't even give me that doubtful look, I HEARD HIM!" She was in hysterics. Jeez. I've never seen her like this before.

"Okay, Val, what did he tell you? What did he say?"

"H-He said... '_I love you, Valkyrie'" _She stuttered.

Oh. Well. This makes things difficult. How long has it been, like, four months since we lost him? Why is he suddenly talking now? He's going to wreck his mind sending that message...

"Val, Val, can you talk to him? Has he said anything else?" I asked her, shaking her arm.

"I don't know," She sank to the floor, and crouched there with her head in her hands. "Fletcher..."

"Fletcher what?" I turned around, expecting him to be behind me. He wasn't. "Fletcher what, Val?"

"Get..." She was shaking.

"I'll be right back,"

I sprinted towards the door and swung it open.

_FLETCHER'S P.O.V_

I don't even know where I'm going. I'm just walking. They'll probably see me through some crystal ball or something and come get me. I've had enough of this magic world thing anyway. They're probably going to use me as a sacrifice. I would, after all, be the perfect sacrifice.

"FLETCHER RENN!"

Tanith came bounding up behind me, her usually light footsteps heavy like a fat guy's.

"What now, stealthy ninja?" See what I did there? Hah.

"Valkyrie needs you."

"Oh really? A few minutes ago she was ready to hand me over to the 'dark side'."

"Fletcher she was never ready to give you over, she didn't want to let you go, she had no choice – you walked out on her!" She grabbed my shoulder in an attempt to drag me back to the house.

"I'm going, Tanith, let go." I walked away.

"SHE HEARD SKULDUGGERY. HE SPOKE TO HER!" This was obviously her last-ditch attempt to make me go back to the house.

"What?"

"Skulduggery... spoke to her, somehow. He said... '_I love you, Valkyrie'"_

"Oh, Tanith, that's really going to make me want to go back now. Nice knowing I can be easily replaced, then," I said with a sarcastic smile.

"Fletcher," she growled.

"No."

"Please." Her voice softened slightly.

"No. You don't need me to talk to Skulduggery."

She grabbed my arm and dragged me about a metre before I retaliated and kicked her in the shins. She let go and held her leg, swearing at me. I bolted, but she caught up with me before I'd made it past three parked cars. She swung me around and pinned me against a wall, her forearm against my neck.

"You are going to come back to Valkyrie. We are going to get Skulduggery back _without_ turning you in."

"You're hurting my neck." I pointed out.

"Good."

We stared at each other for a long moment, and then she released me. I rubbed my neck.

"Thanks."

There was a noise behind me, and I could feel a breeze on the back of my neck. I looked over my shoulder, and there was nothing there.

"Ta-" I looked back to her. She was gone.

I saw a black shape in my peripheral vision and I turned around.

* * *

**sorry that this is a bit rubbish - I was busy all day yesterday so I had to write it a day late, and I'm ill so it's effort to write atm. Might write another chapter tonight to catch up :)**


	6. SIX

_TANITH'S P.O.V_

"Let go of me. Right now," I was being dragged across a car park, tied up in a smelly old sheet and about to be shoved into the back of a white Transit van.

"I don't think so, now, do you Jerry?" One of the men said to another.

"Nah," said who I presume to be Jerry.

"Jerry. Nice name. Nice looking man." He wasn't really, not at all. "You'll let me go won't you?"

"Nah," he replied.

"Do you expect me to sit back and let me take you away in this paedophile van?"

"Yeh," he replied, again. It seemed this man couldn't even string a sentence together, never mind fight.

I smiled, recycling one of my old phrases. "Come and have a go if you think you're hard enough..."

I swung my sword out of its scabbard and cut through the fabric they'd dragged me away in. I slipped right out of their grasp and fell to the floor, but got up quickly.

"Huh?" Jerry said. The other man lunged for me, but I kicked him just below the belt and he crumpled into a heap at my feet. "No," Jerry said, stepping back. He spun around, stumbled over his own feet and ran off over the car park.

I dusted my hands together and checked the time. 13:12

Still early in the afternoon, surprised no one noticed what was going on...

I looked around for Fletcher, but had no hope in finding him. I guess someone else has taken him, and these goons were just here as a distraction. It worked.

So, so far we'd lost Skulduggery, Fletcher, and God knows what's going to happen to Valkyrie while she's home alone, especially since she's lost the two people closest to her – and before that, she'd lost Gordon... who was close to everybody.

Now, I had two choices. Go find Fletcher (wherever Fletcher is, the skull will be),

**OR**

Go back home and comfort Valkyrie / protect her from danger / call Ghastly; team up, and find Fletcher and Skul's skull.

I voted for the latter, and went off to find my way back to Valkyrie's house.

_VALKYRIE'S P.O.V_

I sat and waited. I curled up into a little ball on the floor, and waited.

I didn't know how long it had been, I didn't know where Tanith nor Fletcher were.

There was only one person left that I could call.

I fumbled for my phone out of my pocket, dropping it in the process.

"Fuck," I said, and dialled the number. A gruff voice picked up. "Ghastly Bespoke, I need your help."

* * *

**sorry, short chapter :) written two in a day, y'see, you'll all have to wait until tomorrow for the next installment now**


	7. SEVEN

**another short chapter, sorry :} i wrote it up to the end (no spoilers) and realised how much of a good cliffhanger that would make, so decided to end it there. reviews / pms would be nice, let me know who's actually reading this :**}

_

* * *

VALKYRIE'S P.O.V_

"Well, well, well. Valkyrie Cain. Long time no see," He said, holding out his hand. I shook it. "I came over as soon as I got your call, it sounded important," He looked around, presumably looking for Tanith. "Where's Tan?"

"She ran off after Fletcher, and didn't come back..." I looked away at the floor. Ghastly cared for Tanith, and I knew he wouldn't be too pleased about her disappearing off like this. Besides, it wasn't like her.

"Well, I guess we'd better go find her, then, hadn't we?" He tried to sound polite but I could hear the anger in his voice.

"Sure," I said, pulling a fleece down off the hook near the door. "Let's go."

_FLETCHER'S P.O.V_

"Get the hell off of me!" I yelled, kicking and biting at the people who'd kidnapped me. "If you don't let go of me soon, I'm yelling rape!"

"There be no one around to hear yer, kidda." A deep, rasping voice replied. If I wasn't totally creeped out and pissed off, I'd say it was a pretty nice voice - apart from the bad grammar. I mean, come on, pirate much?

"Where the hell are you taking me?" I said, frowning, but it's not like they could see me – I was wrapped up in a big black piece of plastic.

"We cannae tell yer that, son," Replied another voice. "Top secret info that is there."

"What are you guys? Pirates?"

"Somethin' like that, kidda," Replied the first, raspy voice, a hint of laughter in his voice.

"Stop laughing at me!" I yelled back.

"Shut yer trap, son," Said the second voice.

"Or what?" I challenged them.

"Or we shut it for yer." The first voice said, putting an end to the conversation. No one else spoke for several minutes.

"We be here, son," The second voice said, and I heard the sound of unwrapping plastic.

I was spun out into the world in front of a giant shipyard. It smelt like burning plastic, fish, salt, and pollution. One of the men handed me a bloody, off-white overall that stank of fish.

"And it's not even my birthday." I said with disgust.

_VALKYRIE'S P.O.V  
_

Ghastly and I set off down the road to find Tanith and Fletcher, wherever they may be.

"So. How you been?" I asked Ghastly, hoping to initiate a conversation, even if it be a crappy one.

"Ah, I've been good. Business has been nothing special, what with the current economic climate, yada yada." I nodded, shoving my hands into my pockets and burying my head into the collar of my fleece. "Yourself? How's school been?"

"Boring, like usual. Got in a few fights with the local bitch, but apart from that, nothing special, no,"

Suddenly, we both heard footsteps.

"GHASTLY BESPOKE! VALKYRIE CAIN!"

We both spun around to see Tanith hurtling up the road towards us.

"Never a dull moment with you, is there?" Ghastly said, grinning at Tanith as she came tumbling into him and wrapping her arms around his waist.

"I haven't seen you in ages! Where have you been? Why haven't you been answering your phone? Why haven't you visited me?" Tanith yelled, her voice muffled in his clothes. I didn't know if Ghastly replied, because I tuned out and walked off, kicking stones across the road.

I wondered if I could do what Skulduggery did with his mind. I guess I could give it a go. Presuming I don't blow my brains out trying. I thought about Skulduggery. I thought about how much I missed him. I thought about everything that had happened between us, I thought about everything that he'd saved me from, everything we'd destroyed... everything he left behind. I compiled it all into one thought, and scrunched my eyes shut. I tried to push the thoughts out of my head, yelled them in my mind.

It was a bit like e mailing someone, really. Attaching files, and adding a note. That's basically what I did. I sent it with files attached.

I don't know how it got to him, and I don't know if he got it all, but what I do know is, he replied.


	8. EIGHT

**wow, this is a pretty long chapter :') some of this may be useless rabble, i apologise if it is. i'm ill, my head is pounding and i'm off school, so i decided to write chapter eight, just warn me when it goes a bit off track... thanks :D**

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_VALKYRIE'S P.O.V_

_Don't worry, Valkyrie. We'll be together soon. I don't mean in death, by the way. Stop trying to contact me, and stay safe. Just promise me that. **Stay safe.**_

I was running his words through my mind on repeat over and over and over and over and over...

"Valkyrie?" Tanith had her hands on my shoulders, shaking me out of the trance. "What is it? Is it Skulduggery?" I vaguely heard her and Ghastly discussing something, but the words were indistinguishable.

"Valkyrie, tell me. Tell me what he said," I heard Ghastly's gruff, Irish voice through the sound of Skulduggery's playing in my mind.

"H-He told me we'd be together soon. He said to stop trying to contact him..." I paused. "And to stay safe."

"You tried to contact him? Please, Valkyrie, tell me you didn't try to speak to him," Tanith's eyes were flecked with concern as they bored into mine. I nodded, and she sighed. "You could have blown your mind!"

"Tanith, lay off, okay? I didn't blow my mind out, I am staying safe and we are going to find Fletcher, right now." I finalised the conversation, and started walking down the road.

"Do you have any idea where you're going?!" Tanith shouted after me.

"No." I replied, staring straight ahead.

"Do you not want us to help you?"

"Frankly, I couldn't give less of a shit if you helped me or not."

"Well fine then, we'll just go sit back at Gordon's mansion and watch you get killed!"

"Fine by me." I heard her and Ghastly discussing something in hushed tones again, and then footsteps right behind me.

"Look, Valkyrie, I know you're upset about Fletcher and Skulduggery, but you can't do this on your own," I warmed to Ghastly's understanding voice of reason. "We can help. You can't save Fletcher by yourself – we're a _team,_"

I span around and looked him right in the eye, though he was about a foot taller than me so it proved relatively difficult.

"Do you know where he is? Do you have some kind of tracking device on him? Do you know someone who can tell where he is? No, I didn't think so, Ghastly. I understand you're trying to help, and you want to help, but I just don't think now is the time for reasoning when there's nothing to reason _about._" I briskly walked away.

_SKULDUGGERY'S P.O.V_

I stood with my head against the wall I had passed through only months before, wishing I could hear what was on the other side, wishing I was back home.

I hadn't felt such great sadness for a long time.

I sighed and turned around, walking back over to the crate where I was playing cards with Chris again.

"Still nuthin?" He asked, looking up at me.

"Nope. Nothing. Zilch. Zero. Nada," I shuffled the cards, chewing nonchalantly on a toothpick I'd found in the jar next to me.

No one knew how Chris had got here – this was where the Faceless Ones live, where humans had no chance of survival – magic or not. Chris, however, was an exception to that rule. He had a little hideout towards the edge of the world, where the portal was.

He was short, fat, and had a greying beard. He looked like the comic book type, and spoke like a pirate from Central London. He could also see into the future.

_FLETCHER'S P.O.V_

"I hate," I said, bringing a meat cleaver knife down on a fish head. "Fish."

"Shut yer trap, kidda."

"I wish you'd stop calling me 'kidda'. I'm almost nineteen!"

"Still a kidda, son."

"And I'm not your son!"

Neither of them said anything in response.

I was in a shipyard – and twice every hour, a ship came in here and delivered fresh, smelly mounds of fish. Still flipping in the net. Until the ship I had to get came into harbour, I was stuck in disguise, cutting the heads off live fish. Vegetarianism had suddenly become a possibility.

The two men holding me captive refused to tell me their names, so in my head I called them Kidda and Son – derived from the names they gave me. Ha, see what I did there? Pretty smooth if you ask me.

"Here be yer ship, son" Said Son.

I watched it come into harbour. No wonder the two men talked like pirates – this was a true, 18th century pirate ship, straight out of _Pirates of the Caribbean_.

I tore the smelly apron off and wiped my hands with it. It was good to be free of that horrid thing.

Son and Kidda grabbed a shoulder each, and pushed me forward towards the ship. Now was the time to put my plan into action.

I stood completely still while they pushed me. So far, I'd complied and done what they asked me to do, and they were confused when I stopped still. They tried to push me a little bit more, but I wouldn't budge.

"See yer around, me hearties!" I said, taking the piss out of their obvious pirate heritage.

I teleported.

_TANITH'S P.O.V_

I heard a sharp cracking sound behind me, and I turned around.

There stood Fletcher, right behind me, covered in blood, grinning like a maniac.

"Where the fuck have you been?!" I yelled, punching him in the jaw.

"Ow, jeez I got kidnapped too y'know! I wouldn't leave her without warning!" He looked behind me. "Speaking of Valkyrie, where is she?"

"Oh, she ran off looking for you, and Ghastly followed her but yeah we'll catch up later, okay? For now, let's just get us all back together and go to Gordon's place," He nodded, and we both set off after Ghastly and Valkyrie.

_VALKYRIE'S P.O.V_

"Hey, Val, I know, why don't we turn around and discuss this back at home?"

"No." Metaphorically, I stood my ground. I carried on walking.

"HEY, VALKYRIE CAIN!" I turned around, ready to yell at Ghastly for not needing to yell when he was right behind me, but he had his back turned to me as well. I saw where the voice had come from. "You miss me much?" A playful voice said.

"Fletcherrrrrr!" I pretty much sang his name while I 'walked with haste' up the street to him. He opened his arms, asking for a hug, and he got a great big bear hug.

"I guess you did, then," he said, stepping back and grinning at me.

"Yuh," I said into his shoulder as he kissed the top of my head, laughing.

"So, uh," Ghastly started, motioning his thumbs towards Gordon's mansion. "Should we get going or what? I don't want those guys to come back for us..."

I let go of Fletcher and nodded at Ghastly.

"Let's go."

It was time to conduct a plan.


	9. NINE

_FLETCHER'S P.O.V_

We – Ghastly, Tanith, Valkyrie and I – were seated in the living room of Gordon's mansion. Echo-Gordon was sleeping upstairs, (he kept unusual hours) and we were discussing our plans to bring Skulduggery back from the other side.

It was good, having Valkyrie all to myself.

I wouldn't dare tell her what I thought of him – and what I thought about mine and hers relationship now he was gone. Really, I didn't want him to come back.

Sure, the world would be missing a skeletal detective, but I personally wouldn't be missing out on anything.

"Well." Ghastly said, looking deflated.

"For starters," Tanith said, looking up from the bottle of Coke she'd found in the kitchen. "We need to find that damn skull."

"And where do you propose we look first?" Ghastly replied.

"Well, what was the original story? Where did it go to begin with?" Tanith asked Valkyrie.

"He told me that when he was turned into a skeleton, they put his bones in a bag and tossed him in a river. He said some goblins (or gremlins, I don't remember) stole his head, but left the rest of him behind – and so he won his skull, the one he has now, in a poker game,"

"Ah. So we have to track down some goblins, I see," Ghastly said. We were still lost for a plan. "But how?"

"A goblin tracker device?" I chimed in. Everyone stared at me. "Just an idea..." I looked away, embarrassed. I was only trying to help.

"Even if we did have a goblin tracker device – there has to be hundreds of goblins in Ireland. You'd be surprised." Tanith said. Ghastly scratched his chin, and everybody looked around the room for a few moments, looking for inspiration.

"What about those pirates that kidnapped me and Tanith?" I finally suggested.

"You got kidnapped by pirates?!" She looked at me incredulously.

"Yeah... I thought you did too?" Oops.

"No! Why didn't you tell any of us?"

"No one asked," I laughed. "Back to the subject; we could track down the pirates that kidnapped me – I remember the place well, so I can teleport there and find the nearest landmark? Or I can try and teleport us all, but it might prove rather difficult,"

"Whoa, Fletcher, you've actually come in handy!" Tanith said in mock surprise.

"What can I say?" I winked sarcastically. "I'm a natural."

"That sounds like a good plan;" He paused. "A few loopholes, but we can get past them. Pirates aren't usually the cleverest people." Ghastly said, still scratching his chin.

"So where do we start?" Valkyrie asked.

"Well, there's only one place we can start – Fletcher, take us to the pirates."


	10. TEN

_SKULDUGGERY'S P.O.V_

The Faceless Ones found us.

We've been hiding out in this little corner near the portal, out of view, for about three months. We were going completely unnoticed – until today.

They dragged me and Chris into their giant castle and locked us up in the cellar with these horrid mutant rats and an old cleaning lady. She doesn't really clean so much anymore though, because her brain fell out.

They took Chris away a few minutes ago, and he screamed all the way up the stairs until there was a sharp thud and he shut up. I don't know what they've done with him, I'm just being an optimist and hoping it's something pleasant.

Valkyrie had better get here soon.

_VALKYRIE'S P.O.V_

We were at the docks down by the coast, creeping around an old, beaten down warehouse full of fishmongers and seagulls.

"Nice," I remarked as one of the seagulls swooped down and crapped a few feet away from where we were walking.

"I didn't say it was going to be a five star hotel," Fletcher said, grinning.

We looked around – there were three long tables with four men at each, cutting the heads off fish. Not one of them looked remotely like a pirate. One of the men turned around and Ghastly dragged us behind a big crate labelled "TUNA".

"Where are these 'pirates' then hey, Fletch?" Tanith asked.

"I don't know. I guess we'll just have to hide out here until the ship pulls in. From what I heard off the pirates, there are three ships that come in during the day,"

"Great. What time is it?" I asked Ghastly.

"2:34-" Ghastly began, but stopped and stared ahead.

A ship had come into the harbour.

It was one of the biggest ships I had ever seen – I don't know how no one noticed it coming in. It was a proper Spanish Galleon; three masts and sails, wooden planks, an old fashioned steering wheel, an ornately carved ships' head – and to top it all off – a pirate flag atop the tallest mast. Men were marching off the ship – men about 6 feet tall, dressed in rags with pointy hats, pistols and swords. They were really intimidating, and moved unrealistically. This was insane.

"Is this a ghost ship?" I asked Fletcher.

"Not at all, I don't think. Those pirate men were definitely real,"

"Well, I guess we'd better get going then," Tanith said, trying to sound positive though the crew of the ship were some of the scariest I'd ever seen.

We sneaked around the crates and shuffled up against the wall – hidden by the shadows. We waited until the men had got off the ship, and we sprinted up the gangplank, praying we weren't seen. We slipped on board and hid behind some crates of gunpowder next to a carefully carved red and black wooden door.

Not the place to hide out if a battle was to commence.

"So where are we supposed to find the skull?" Tanith asked.

"Presumably it'll be in the Captain's quarters," I guessed optimistically.

"Are we going to wait until they get back on board or are we going to get it now, before they get back and kill us all?" Tanith asked.

"I vote the latter," Ghastly chimed in.

"Me too," Fletcher agreed. I sighed.

"Come on then," I looked out across the ship. "Coast is clear; I'm guessing this is the door," I pointed to the red and black door.

Tanith nodded. "I'll go first," She said, trying to be brave. "Let's go."

She shuffled out from behind the crates with me in tow, and tried the door handle. "It's locked!" She looked at me as if to say 'May I?' I nodded, and she kicked the lock off the door. I followed her into the room, and Ghastly was right behind me. I think Fletcher stayed outside. Coward.

The room was massive – it was like the Tardis – bigger on the inside than it looked on the outside. Probably some magic going on here. There was a giant, torn map of the world on the wall, with knives stabbed into cities across the globe.

_London, Dublin, New York, Rio de Janiero, Tokyo, Hong Kong, St. Petersburg, Cape Town, Canberra, Paris, Barcelona, Kingston..._

I tore my eyes away from it and continued to look for the skull.

There was a golden chest in the corner and I walked over and cranked it open. It was filled with golden coins, pendants, bracelets, earrings...

"Valkyrie?" I looked up to see Tanith pointing at the Captain's desk. I followed to where her finger was pointing.

There was Skulduggery's skull.

"Who goes there?" An unfamiliar, stern voice said from the doorway. I turned around. There was a pirate in the doorway, and he did **not **look pleased.


	11. ELEVEN

**I LOVE MY READERS. give me some love in the reviews. share the love. ;)  
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_VALKYRIE'S P.O.V_

"Nobody but us go here... arr?" Tanith attempted.

I grabbed the skull and hid it behind my back while the pirate was glaring at Tanith.

"And who exactly be 'us'?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Just some... lonely sailors, arr?" Tanith said. The pirate narrowed his eyes, and grunted.

"What ye be lookin' fer?" He asked, squinting still.

"Just..." Tanith began.

"Herbert, what ye be doin'?" Another gruff voice came from behind 'Herbert'.

"Just checkin' the cap'n's quarters, ma'am." He said.

Ma'am? I was so shocked when a woman stepped out from behind Herbert that I almost dropped the skull. It felt good to hold a piece of Skulduggery with me, almost comforting... like he was actually here. However, it wouldn't have felt so good once I dropped it and gave it away that we actually boarded the ship to steal from them.

"Who are ye?" She asked. The woman was wearing a tight, maroon corset with a black and white knee-length skirt and worn, leather boots. She wore a leather hat that looked like it had seen better days and had dreadlocks down to her hips. She looked like a pirate queen.

I sensed there was no point in lying.

"I'm Valkyri-"

"I want yer real names, girl!" She yelled shrilly and I flinched.

"We can't tell you that." Ghastly said sternly.

"Ye tell me now or ye won't get that bleedin' skell yer hidin' behind yer girl!" She said. Her pirate accent was so strong, her words were almost indistinguishable. From what I could make sense of, though, she knew I had the skull.

"We refuse to tell you our given names."

"There be no magic on this boat, sonny." She stared straight at him. "Ye shouldn't be worryin' about us controllin' yer here minds – we cannae!" She laughed like a hag. I shivered, and her gaze shot at me. "Cold, girl?"

"No."

"Hmm." She paused and looked at us all. "There be one missin', yes?"

"Yes." I said, careful not to give anything away.

"And what be his name?"

"We do not give out that information freely. If he wishes to tell you, he will do so." Ghastly said, standing still and tall as a statue. There was a cracking sound, and Fletcher appeared next to me and snaked his arm around my waist.

I stood on my tiptoes and whispered in his ear. "Don't."

He looked at me and faintly nodded, but didn't take his arm away.

"Ah so ye be the missing child, yes," The pirate queen said.

Fletcher raised an eyebrow, then nodded at her. She walked around the room, surveying us.

"I bet I can guess yer taken names." She said.

"Ha, I bet you can't," Fletcher said, snorting. A dagger-glare shut him up.

"Ah, yer know nothin'," Fletcher smiled sympathetically. "Fletcher Renn." His face fell, and I had to stifle a laugh. The pirate queen's gaze moved to me. "Valkyrie..." She paused and stared at me. "Cain. Trouble." She chuckled, and moved over to Ghastly. "Ah, yer name suits yer,"

I could have sworn Ghastly was close to growling. He didn't like people mentioning his scars.

"Ghastly," She said, looking his scars up and down, up and down. "Bespoke." She spat out his last name like a tasteless piece of gum. She sauntered over to Tanith.

"Tanith Low. Nothin' special, yes?" She said. Tanith just glared. Everyone knew it was wiser to not mess with a pirate – especially one as ruthless as this one, but she just didn't know when to shut up. Ghastly cracked – he couldn't let her talk to Tanith like that, and he lunged and gave her his best right hook.

She pulled out a pistol, cocked it, grabbed him into a headlock and held it to his scarred head.

"Not so tough now, eh, pretty boy?" She laughed and pulled the trigger. Everyone in the room drew a gasp.

The gun was locked. The pirate queen laughed. "Ye really thought I were gonna shoot yer little matey 'ere?" She stopped laughing. "I will if yer don't tell me yer given names." Ghastly attempted to shake his head.

"If we tell you one name – _just one_ – will you let us take the skull and leave you in peace?" I asked her.

"Mebbe, girl." She turned around and conferred with Herbert. A few minutes of shuffling our feet passed, and she turned back to me. "Yes, girl. Tell me yer name." Ghastly shook his head again, but I couldn't meet his eye.

"Steph..." I took a breath, weighing the consequences of what I was about to do. "Stephanie Edgley."

The pirate woman let go of Ghastly, walked towards me and stood so close to me I could smell the sea in her hair.

"Related to the late, great Gordon Edgley mayhaps?" One of her eyes twitched.

"Yes." I put on a brave facade.

The pirate woman shrieked and whipped out a knife. I dodged to the side and stumbled over a chair, but scrambled back up straight away and raised my fists, ready to fight. It was only then that I realised I had dropped the skull. I scanned the room for it – it was on the floor near where the pirate queen was standing. I tried not to draw attention to it, and instead looked at Fletcher.

The pirate queen dived at me and I hit her in the face, and brought a roundhouse kick to her chest, which made her fall over. The quick boxing lessons I had with Skulduggery were paying off...

I clicked my fingers to summon a flame... but nothing happened. I clicked again – nothing. I looked up to see a deranged smile creep onto the pirate queen's face.

"No magic 'ere, _Sss_tephanie." She said, hissing the 's' in my name.

Good old melee combat would have to suffice.

I nodded to Ghastly, and he saluted me then raised his fists.

I nodded to Tanith, and she pulled out her sword. She raised an eyebrow, challenging the crazy pirate. "Come and have a go if you think your hard enough..."


	12. TWELVE

_FLETCHER'S P.O.V_

The pirate woman whistled, and footsteps echoed across the whole ship.

She was getting her pirates on us.

I ran over to Valkyrie's side (because the pirate somehow managed to disable magic on the ship) and leant down to whisper to her.

"What now? We're outnumbered, smartass,"

"Yeah well I knew she wasn't going to fight fair." Valkyrie stared straight ahead.

"Well, now we have to fight them _without _magic. So really, it's only Ghastly and Tanith that are going to be able to fight them! Well done, Valkyrie,"

"Shut up, Fletcher." She looked up at me, glaring. "Go and get the skull. Get the skull and leave. Get off the ship and teleport at the first chance you get – take the skull back to Gordon's and hide it somewhere in his study, I'll distract them,"

"No, I'm staying where the party's at. I'm not leaving you here." I shook my head.

"Fletcher, seriously, you're of even less use than I am, just _go_!" I huffed, and glanced around the room. There were pirates pouring in through the door, some of them with swords raised, some of them with pistols aimed at us. I nodded at Valkyrie.

She sprinted across the room and hurled herself at the pirate queen, knocking her over and making a domino effect on the rest of the pirates, and the ones who didn't get knocked over dodged out of the way of the others; _clearing the doorway._ I carefully sidestepped over to the desk where she had dropped the skull, grabbed it, and ran full-throttle out of the door and onto the deck. I looked around.

We were out at sea, but I could still see the docks.

_If I jumped off the edge... would I be able to teleport before I hit the water?_

I sat and pondered for a while, leaning over the edge of the ship. I glanced either side of me. There was no one watching – if I did fall in, no one would be there to embarrass me.

I climbed up onto the railing and got my balance, then jumped.

It was a long drop, but I managed to get about four metres away from the ship and about half a metre away from the water when I teleported.

_VALKYRIE'S P.O.V_

I started attacking the pirate queen – punching her at every chance I got. I managed to knock the pistol out of her hand and it went hurtling across the floor, out of her reach.

Ghastly took up my left and was dealing with the other pirates – Tanith took the right.

I wish Skulduggery was here.

The pirate woman dragged out her sword and pointed it at me, challenging me to hit her again. I did. I leapt up to her face and took a right hand to her jaw and a left hand to her temple, and she stumbled. I kicked her in the back of the knees and pushed her, and she crippled onto the floor.

Ghastly had taken care of most of the pirates – there was just one bulky troll of a pirate left that he was having trouble with. A couple more punches and he was out.

Tanith wasn't using her sword – it was too graphic – so she was using good old close-range combat and beating the crap out of them, but more and more just kept coming.

_Maybe now that the pirate woman's down... we can use magic again?_

I clicked my fingers, and a roaring blue flame erupted from my palm.

I flung fireball after fireball at the pirates, burning them out.

There was one left. Herbert.

"Herbert, look, we don't want to hurt you," Tanith said.

"Yes, you do." He replied. His pirate accent was gone.

"What happened to the pirate accent?" I asked.

"I've never had one."

"But you were..." I just looked at him, confused.

"My name is Alex Live. I work for the Irish Sanctuary."

"Oh." We all stared at him. He returned the gaze.

"I understand you're here to retrieve Mr. Pleasant's skull?"

"Yes," Ghastly replied, still bemused.

"I also understand that you have taken it back to Gordon Edgley's mansion for safekeeping."

"Yes, that too." Ghastly replied. "How do you know?"

"I predict people, and can hear their thoughts. It's what I'm hired for." He honestly didn't look like he could be hired for anything in those pirate clothes. "I'm also incredibly good with disguises," He said, and flashed me a smile.

"Right. Well. Mr Live. We'd best be off." Tanith said, creeping around him and out of the door, careful not to trip over the pirate woman.

"Her name is Lola Bones." He said, looking right at me. I guess he heard me calling her the 'pirate queen' and 'pirate woman'.

"Oh," I said, smiling faintly.

He nodded to me, and bowed, opening the door onto the deck.

He followed us out and laughed at our expense when we realised we weren't still in Ireland.

"Do you not find the sea breeze relaxing?" He asked, leaning over the edge of the ship and staring out into the waters.

"No." I replied, walking over to him. "How do we get back home?"

"You tell me. The next stop is London," He grinned.


	13. THIRTEEN

**NB: Alex Live's last name is pronounced like, for example; "I've seen All Time Low ****live****" like the way you'd say live there.  
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_VALKYRIE'S P.O.V_

I have to say, this Alex Live guy was pretty irresistible.

After telling us the next stop was London, and that she ship was set on an unbreakable course, he'd gone down to the crew's cabins and got changed into respectable clothes.

He was about 18 or 19, and had an olive-skinned, Italian kind of complexion, with shocking green eyes and wild, curly, black that wasn't too long or too short. And to top it all off, he was about 6'1.

He came upstairs wearing a pair of midnight blue slim-fit jeans that were ripped at the knees and a white V-neck t-shirt that had a box of cigarettes rolled up in one sleeve, like they do in the 90's movies. He didn't have any shoes or socks on.

I think he noticed me staring at him, but said nothing of it. If he didn't notice me _watching _him, then he almost definitely noticed me _thinking _about him.

"You're not wearing any shoes?" I asked him.

"This ship probably has the cleanest floor you're ever going to set foot on, and I don't want to mess it up with shoes on. And we have a pretty long journey, so I don't see the point on shoes – they're uncomfy on long journeys." He said, smiling slightly. I nodded, spun on my heels, and went to talk to Tanith.

"Wow." Was all she could say when I got to her. She looked over my shoulder at him.

"I know!" I shook my head. "He looked completely... ugly when we were in the Captain's quarters, he was right; he really is good at disguises."

"So how long 'til we get to London?" Tanith asked, after a pause.

"I dunno, he only said that it's a long journey, and I for one am _not _looking forward to that."

"Maybe we should go ask him," She said, raising an eyebrow slyly. I laughed, and nodded.

He was leaning over the railing at the side of the ship again, staring out at the sea like it was talking to him. It probably was.

Tanith and I took up our positions either side of him, and Tanith spoke first.

"So, how long 'til we get there?"

"A long time," He said, grinning and then looking at me. "A few hours – about 4 or 5,"

"Fantastic." I said.

"And I don't even have any signal." Tanith said.

"And we have no way of getting back to Haggard." I added.

"And we don't know if Fletcher made it back to the house okay."

"And we-"

"Please don't start another sentence with 'and'," Alex said.

"Sorry." Tanith and I said in unison. The three of us stood in silence for a while, gazing out at our surroundings. Alex turned around, pressed his back to the railing and faced the other way.

"I could..." Alex paused. "I could talk to that Fletcher guy for you, if you want,"

"How?" Tanith asked sceptically.

"I can talk to people through the medium of my mind; it's a lot like telepathy,"

"It _is_ telepathy," I said. He murmured agreement. "Would he be able to teleport onto the ship? Even though it's moving?"

"Presumably," Alex said, a grin spreading up one half of his face. "Shall we find out?" He asked me, and I grinned.

He took my hand in his, and walked up the steep stairs to where the ship's wheel was.

"Why are you holding hands with me?" I added quickly. "Not like I have a problem with it-" He laughed.

"So you can hear the conversation, too," He turned around and looked deep into my eyes. _SOPPY! _I thought, then remembered he could hear my thoughts. Crap.

"It's okay," He said. He had closed his eyes, and was concentrating. I shut up. "What's his name?" Alex asked me.

_Fletcher Renn. _I replied in my mind.

_Fletcher Renn? _I heard Alex shout in his mind.

_What the hell? _I was relieved to hear Fletcher's voice.

_FLETCHER! _ I thought, and then caught myself, feeling like a fool.

_Valkyrie! You're okay? _He asked, sounding equally as relieved.

_Yeah! Have you got to the mansion okay? _I asked.

_Yeah... well, no, not really. I sort of ended up in the wrong place... I teleported to your parent's house first by accident. Their front room, to be precise. It kind of shocked them, but they don't know who I am, and I teleported as soon as I got there, so they probably think they were too drunk or something. _Fletcher said, laughing.

_They generally are,_ I said. Alex coughed. _Sorry. _I thought to him.

_Fletcher, we're on the ship still. There's no way we can change the course of the ship, and the next stop is London. Can you come down here and pick up Tanith, Valkyrie and Ghastly in a couple of hours? Or even now, from the ship? _He asked.

_Who are you? _Fletcher answered with a question.

_My name is Alex Live, I work for the English Sanctuary._

_So why can't you bring them back to Haggard? _Fletcher replied.

_I'm not the one who can teleport. _I could tell Alex was getting annoyed.

_Okay I'll just be the taxi then, yeah, I'll just pick everyone up whenever they want. _Fletcher said.

_Sounds like a plan. _Alex replied, and I couldn't help but laugh at his wit.

There was a silence, so I took it as an opportunity to speak to Fletcher. _Have you hidden it? _I was being careful not to mention, or think about, the object.

_Yeah. _Fletcher was being careful too, and I sighed.

_Right, well, I'm about to pass out, so I'm afraid we're going to have to end this conversation. I'm not good with long distance. _Alex said, smiling at me.

_Okay, see you back at the house, Val! _

_Bye, Fletch._

There was a swooping sensation that lasted a couple of seconds, and I was back in reality.

"That was weird," I said to Alex, laughing insanely and stumbling around.

"It normally is first time around," He said, putting a hand on the small of my back to steady me, and another around my waist. I looked up at his face. His eyes suddenly clouded over and went from shocking green to dark grey. I shook his arm.

"You okay, Alex?"

He shivered, and his eyes cleared. "Yeah... I'm fine, yeah." His face hardened, and a muscle in his jaw twitched. "Let's get you back down to Tanith and Ghastly." He said it almost angrily.

There was something more about this boy, and I was going to find out what.


	14. FOURTEEN

**three days! I hate Christmas. I hate the arguments, and I hate the rush, and I hate the buzz off it, I'm such a big Scrooge :} but hey, I'm still here, writing this for you, so if you wanna cheer me up a bit, give me some ideas for where to take the story next! :D I've got the China bit covered, but to be frank, I've got no idea exactly how they're going to get Skulduggery back, so I need some ideas on that pl0x :D  
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_VALKYRIE'S P.O.V_

We were all back at the mansion, and sat around the great big dining table on the second floor. This was where Gordon had Christmas dinner if he ever had any friends to invite round.

"So who was that Alex Live guy?" Fletcher asked, flipping the table protector up and down.

"There was something weird about him," I said, smacking Fletcher's hand away. It was annoying.

"Yeah. What's with the whole telekinesis thing?" He asked.

"Telepathy," Tanith corrected him quietly.

"Same difference," Fletcher said.

"Okay," I replied. "Back to the subject," I paused. "We need to look up a bit more about this Alex Live guy. I don't really trust him, and I'm not sure if he was telling the truth when he said he worked for the Sanctuary."

"Why would he lie about something like that? Most everyone who _doesn't _work for the Sanctuary _hates_ the Sanctuary. He could at least fake something cooler than that_,_" Fletcher said, grinning.

"Yeah... Maybe he said it so that you would trust him, Valkyrie," Tanith suggested.

"Just because somebody's in the Sanctuary doesn't mean I instantly trust them, I mean, look at Crux," I snorted.

"Well, maybe he realised he had made a mistake when he said it," Ghastly said, "And that's why he offered to talk to Fletcher for you, to try and gain your trust that way?"

"What is it with this whole trust business? Why does he need me to trust him? What does he want from me, exactly?" We sat in silence for a while, thinking up possible answers to my questions. Occasionally, one of us would open our mouths to speak but then close it again abruptly, shutting out stupid ideas.

"Well, you know who's good at finding stuff like that out?" Ghastly said after a long while.

"Skulduggery Pleasant." The four of us said together.

* * *

"Well done, Fletcher." I said as we patrolled around the house, looking for the skull. "You hid it somewhere 'safe', let me repeat that '_SAFE' _and now you've forgotten where that safe place is."

"It obviously means it's very safe if I can't find it," He said from the other end of the corridor.

"Obviously." I said, rolling my eyes. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and called Tanith. The house was too big to shout across. "Hey, Tan, you got any luck?"

"No, but you should try Ghastly. I'll call you if anything's up," She said, and hung up. I dialled Ghastly's number.

"Ghastly, you got anything?"

"What rooms have you covered?" He asked, not bothering to answer my question.

"Half of the second floor, and Fletcher's done the whole of the third floor."

"Ah, okay, well, in that case... There's only one room left to look in." Ghastly said, mysteriously.

"Which one?"

"The kitchen." Really, I was expecting something exciting.

"Oh." I called to Fletcher. "Fletch! We're going to the kitchen!"

"Oh yeah! That's where I left it!" He came bounding up to me, and I rolled my eyes.

We ran down the stairs and met Tanith and Ghastly at the bottom, then followed them into the kitchen.

Fletcher went over to the cupboard under the sink and rooted around, bottles of bleach and kitchen roll flying out all over the floor.

"Gotcha," Fletcher said, and with one last reach into the cupboard he pulled out the skull. "Let's get to business."

* * *

We had combed the whole of Gordon's library for a book that would tell us how to get Skulduggery back, but with no luck.

"You know, Val, there's only one other place we can go now," Tanith said from behind a bookcase.

"Yes, yes, China's library," I said impatiently.

"Do you think there's going to be anything there?"

"No, but I think China might know someone,"

By this point, we were walking down the stairs towards the front door.

"Like who?" She asked, jogging to keep up with me. Usually, it was the other way around.

"Someone who will know how to get Skulduggery back." I said, slipping my shoes on and walking out of the front door... The front door reminded me of Skulduggery, and when he blasted his way through it... when he rescued me for the first time. And then couldn't fix the door. I laughed at the memory. Tanith raised an eyebrow, and I just glared at her.

"How, exactly, do you expect us to get to China's? We have no car-" She said, trying to be logical.

"We have Ghastly's van."

"Oh." She said, and I stopped and leaned against Ghastly's van as he and Fletcher walked out of the front door.

"Where are we going?" Ghastly asked, unlocking the driver door.

"China's," I replied.

"Valkyrie, it's not a good idea telling her what we're up to. She could tell anyone," Ghastly said - the voice of reason again. I sighed and rested my head against the van, smacking my forehead.

"I know that, Ghastly," I said after a considerable amount of head-hitting. "But it's a risk we need to take." My voice quivered. "We need Skulduggery." I felt tears, so I swung my head back to try and drain them back out. I took a deep breath.

"Hop in," Ghastly said, trying a smile with me. It didn't work.

I made a resolution not to smile until we got Skulduggery back. If that meant forever, then so be it.


	15. FIFTEEN

**right, so it's Christmas Eve. I'm gonna be sitting here all day writing chapters for my fan fictions, w00t! haha, so if anyone reads this today GIMME SOME IDEAS IF YOU WANT FAST NEW CHAPTERS! **

**oh and sorry that this is so short, I need to re-read The Faceless Ones before I can write anything about getting him back D:  
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_SKULDUGGERY'S P.O.V_

"I'm going to personally saw off every single bone in your body, you abomination."

"I can't wait."

I was in the dungeons underneath the Faceless One's castle-thing, and they were considering what torture to put me through. I told them they could always just send me back and that would be enough torture for me, but they didn't believe me that Fletcher could be worse than painfully and slowly sawing off every single one of my limbs. At least I tried.

"I'll give you a choice. A say in the matter. Which bone do you want off first?" The assistant said.

"Do I have to decide?" I replied exasperatedly.

"Or I could choose myself, but then I'd choose one of the more painful. Would you like that?"

"You tell me. I'm not so much an expert on torture, thanks."

"Nor am I, but I know which limb I'd want off first," He walked over to the corner of the cell and picked up a rusty saw. "I'd get my little toe off first. I'd work up from my feet."

"Well, you can work up from my feet then." I nodded at the man. He took out a metal rod of some sorts and started sharpening the teeth on the saw. The noise made me want to curl up and die. But really, so long as I kept hold of the limbs he sawed off and took them back to the real world, then I could just get Kenspeckle to put them back together for me. It would be like my first days as a skeleton all over again.

One thing I was certain of, my blood wouldn't make a mess of my suit.


	16. SIXTEEN

**after gracious amounts of chocolate, Christmas pudding, turkey, Bailey's and mash, I decided to take my chocolate and hibernate in my room and write some more fan fiction :3 sorry if it makes no sense, sorry for mistakes, and I still need to finish the third book again to jog my memory on how Skul got there in the first place. in the meantime, go listen to the interview with Skulduggery on the website, on the "Extras" page, HIS VOICE IS GORGEOUS**

**oh and go read The Knife of Never Letting Go - Patrick Ness  
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_VALKYRIE'S P.O.V_

We got to China's about an hour later because of traffic. The whole time, I sat in the front seat of the van and stared out of the windscreen, ignoring Fletcher's cheesy jokes.

"Valkyrie, my dear, how can I help you today?" Even China's perpetual kindness couldn't make me smile.

"I need a book, China, and fast." I said bluntly.

"Well, that's what libraries are for," She smiled sweetly at Fletcher who was practically drooling. "A book on what, exactly?"

"I need to find out how to get Skulduggery back." Ghastly shook his head and looked down at the floor while China stared at me in disbelief.

"My dear, that is very, very dark magic,"

"We managed to do it last time, we managed to send him through, so if I could find a way back through there..." I drifted off.

China sighed. "Skulduggery was a close friend to me," Ghastly snorted, still looking at his feet, and China glared at him, but continued. "So I feel I must help you."

She led on through the library, right to the back, to a section I'd never seen before that had a rainbow-coloured sheen to it. She rolled her sleeve up and tapped a symbol on the inside of her forearm, and the sheen disappeared. She noticed me staring.

"Security measures," She smiled, and I nodded. "Very dark magic lies among these shelves. I can't afford passersby to stop for a quick flick through these books," She said patronisingly. I nodded again.

"We're looking for a book that might remind us how we use an Isthmus anchor." Ghastly said to China, who was searching through the shelves.

"Is that the only way?" China asked, concerned.

"Yes." I replied.

"Then perhaps you should consult your uncle," She said, stopping at her book searching and turning around to look at me.

"Perhaps I should. But perhaps I should do some more background research first." I replied quite rudely.

"My dear, if you want me to help you at all, you will not speak to me like so," China said, looking mildly offended. I knew she was faking it to try and make me feel guilty.

"So long as we have access to your archives I think we can find it on our own, thanks." I said, smirking sarcastically. China laughed.

"Very well," She walked away, running a sharp fingernail across my face. Ghastly turned on me.

"What was that all about? You could at least be grateful that she's given us access to these books!" He whispered loudly. I looked away, and walked over to the shelves and started looking.

"Steph," Fletcher said, putting his hand on my shoulder and leaning in close. "You've been really... really different these past few weeks," He said carefully.

"Wonder why that is," I said, still scanning the titles of the books.

"Yeah, but it's not like his disappearance has been affecting you since the beginning, it's like, it's suddenly hit you now, and you're arguing with everyone," I stopped and glared at him. He held his hands up in surrender. "I know it's difficult for you-"

"Fletcher, you don't have any idea on _earth _how difficult it is for me." I snapped, and his eyes softened.

"I know, Steph, I'm just-"

"Just help me find the book, Fletcher." I said, tears filling up my eyes. I held them back and carried on with my search. Fletcher sighed in resignation and walked off.

Was I different? Had I changed somehow, that I hadn't noticed?

I don't know. All I know was that I wanted Skulduggery back and everything would be back to normal as soon as he came back.

And we are _going to bring him back._ I'll do all it takes.

"Hello, Valkyrie," A voice said from behind me. A soft, deep, cashmere voice that warmed me from inside out. I recognised it from somewhere. I turned around.

And there stood Alex Live.

* * *

_SKULDUGGERY'S P.O.V_

My first day of torture was finally over. I was allowed some shut eye, then another early-morning wake up next day for my next date with the saw.

Fun.

I wonder what they've done with Chris. Did they kill him on the stairs? He's pretty tough. Probably just out cold. Maybe he's awake again.

Maybe I should go find out.

I checked my pocket watch, which, of course, was a stupid idea, because time was warped in here. I sighed, donned my hat, and slid through the bars of the cell.


	17. SEVENTEEN

I wonder how many times I can watch Doctor Who: The End of Time Part 1 over and over on iPlayer today... I CAN'T BELIEVE DAVID TENNANT IS QUITTING BEING THE DOCTOR ON NEW YEARS DAY. IT'S THE END OF AN EFFIN' ERA! D:

anyway, next instalment of the gorgeous Skulduggery Pleasant for you all, what did you all get for ex moose? 8}

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_VALKYRIE'S P.O.V_

"We've been sitting here since like, yesterday night." Fletcher said, slumping in his chair next to a table covered in tall, spindly piles of books.

We – Me, Fletcher, Ghastly, Tanith, and Alex Live – had been in the library for over 13 hours trying to find more information on an Isthmus anchor. It didn't seem like we were going to find anything. We'd expected Alex to do something mysterious, but he just sat down and offered to help.

There really was something odd about him.

And once again I forgot that he can hear my thoughts.

"You can go to sleep if it's really that important to you," I replied to Fletcher sharply, still scanning bookshelves. I lifted a hand to my head and facepalmed a couple of times before I turned around. Fletcher was staring at me, confused. "What?" I asked. He got up from his chair and put his arms around me. It was then I realised I was crying.

"You need to get some sleep, Steph," He said soothingly, his hand stroking the back of my neck.

"You seem to be using my real name an awful lot lately, Fletch," I murmured into his shoulder.

"Sometimes it needs to be used," He lifted his chin up on top of my head. I realised how comfortable I was. I closed my eyes.

* * *

_SKULDUGGERY'S P.O.V_

I shuffled silently towards the door, only to notice that it had a massive padlock on it. I checked behind me, and kicked the door open.

I slipped out into the corridor and pressed myself up against the wall, and started up the spiral staircase. I realised that, if I encountered anyone on these stairs, I would have the disadvantage. That's originally why spiral staircases were made the way they are. So that the people defending the castle would have the advantage coming downstairs – they would find it easier to use their right sword hand – and the people coming upstairs would have the disadvantage.

I heard footsteps, and looked up. There was a ledge, a few metres up. The footsteps were getting closer. I splayed my hand, displaced the air, and lifted myself up onto the ledge where I waited until the guard had passed. Luckily, he didn't see me.

I jumped down from the ledge and cushioned my fall so that I didn't make too much of a racket, and continued up the stairs where I met another door. I kicked this one open and it cracked open unusually loudly. I prayed there wasn't like a church service in the next room.

I pushed the door open a couple of inches, and slid my thin frame through.

The room was a giant circle, with a giant stone slab at the east end of the room. It had pillars dotted around the outside and a walkway behind the pillars, covered in shadow. I shuffled along through the shadows so that no one could see me. I heard chanting from the front of the room, and noticed four figures on their knees, lifting their hands to the stone slab. I heard movement behind me, and span around.

"Mr Skulduggery Pleasant. What a _pleasant _surprise." A soft, deep voice said.

* * *

_VALKYRIE'S P.O.V_

"Nothing. Still nothing." I said, slamming a thick instruction manual shut and lobbing it across the table where it hit Fletcher in the chest. He groaned.

"Maybe we should just stop?" He suggested.

"Maybe you should shut the hell up." I retorted, then realised I was doing it again. I facepalmed. "I'm sorry," I said, standing up, walking round to him and draping my arms around him and resting my head on his shoulder. He lifted a hand and stroked my cheek.

"It's okay," He whispered.

Tanith and Ghastly had gone for a coffee break, and Alex was asleep with his head on a colossal, leather-bound novel. He looked kind of cute. Like a little Italian baby.

"What?" I said out loud to myself. More like shouted.

"What?" Fletcher asked.

"I just thought something," I said, shaking my head. "It doesn't matter." I rubbed my forehead, and walked back around to my side of the table, collapsing into a chair.

Tanith sauntered into our little research area carrying a Philadelphia-covered bagel and a cup of coffee. She took a chunk out of the bagel. "Find anyfink?" She said, her mouth full of food.

"Don't talk with your mouth full," Ghastly said, walking past her and taking a seat at the table. He looked at all the books and our blank expressions. "I guess you didn't find much, then?"

Fletcher and I shook our heads in unison, and I sighed and slouched back.

"I bet Skulduggery would know how to get himself back." I said.

"Well, we could ask him if we had any way of talking to him," Ghastly said.

We all turned our heads and looked at Alex.

* * *

_SKULDUGGERY'S P.O.V_

"Who are you?" I asked the strange boy with the nice voice.

"Alex Live." He replied, extending his hand. I shook it apprehensively.

"Skulduggery Pleasant." I nodded.

He stepped ahead of me and motioned for me to follow him. I did.

"So what brings you here?" He asked, looking back at me.

"Tourism."

"Ah." Alex nodded wisely. "I was in the same situation myself, a few years back."

I nodded. "And how did you find your way out of it?"

He looked right into my eyes. Well, eye sockets. "If you can't beat them, join them,"

I raised my fists, ready to fight him. He put his hands up in surrender. "I don't intend to fight you, detective,"

"I'm hardly much of a detective anymore," I said.

He carried on like I said nothing. "I want to help you get out of here."

I stopped walking. "What?"

"I can get you out of here." He said, confused at my reaction.

"How?"

"Well, you see, I have this thing. A genetic condition, you could call it." He hesitated, and I nodded for him to continue. "I exist in both realities."

I stared at him.

"So effectively," He began again. "There's two of me, and when they captured me, the second me freed the first me."

I carried on staring.

"And the rest of my family are the same, we all exist in both realities. We have all lived amongst the Faceless Ones for centuries. The rest of my family, the Live family, were part of the Diablerie. I disobeyed them because I didn't want to join and so they locked me up and tortured me. They obviously forgot that I have two beings – either that or my family wanted to help me out a bit. They didn't want me to be locked away and tortured, they thought it was a bit extreme – I was only fourteen at the time,"

"There's something else about you though, isn't there?"

"Yes," He said, and looked down at his feet. "I can hear everybody's thoughts. No one can hide from me, and that's how I found you. I followed your train of thought, which I must say, is rather loud," He laughed and looked up. "Shall we?" He motioned for us to keep walking.

"So how exactly are you going to spring me out of here?" I asked sceptically.

"My first body – on earth – works as an Isthmus anchor whenever I feel like swapping realities. I can use that – and your dear friend Fletcher – to open the gateway and get you out of here. However, we have to be really fast about this, 'cause the Faceless Ones know when people open the gate, and it doesn't take them long to pounce." I nodded.

"So," I said. "Let's break this joint."


	18. EIGHTEEN

**sorry I've been away! this is my penultimate chapter of a series – all the other chapters are going to be just oneshots and random stuff, none of them will be linked, & thankzzz for the reviews and stuff for this! taking ideas :DD**

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_SKULDUGGERY'S P.O.V_

We prowled out of the circle room and stepped out into the red-tinged daylight outside. Something smelt bad but I didn't want to know what.

"So, Mr Pleasant," Alex said. "How long have you been a skeleton?"

"Ah, yes. I was wondering when you would ask that." I looked up at the sky for a moment then looked back at him. I hesitated. "A long time."

"I see," He said, turning around a corner into a side street.

This other reality wasn't all it's cut out to be. It's not savage and it's not evil or anything that anyone says it is, but it is confusing. The walls always look like they're closing in on you; the floor always looks like it's moving up and down, everything looks 2D and 3D at the same time and no one looks exactly right.

Alex turned another corner and walked into a blue and white striped tent. I looked at him, then followed him inside. And there sat Chris.

"Skul!" Chris yelled and jumped up to hug me.

"Keep it down, guys," Alex said, rooting around in the storage compartments of the tent.

"How did you get out?" I asked Chris.

"Alex here sprung me out a few days ago. You were much harder though, but I told him, I did, I told him you'd make it out yourself!" He said excitedly.

"Ah well I made it halfway by myself," I paused. "Chris, I have something to ask you."

"Yes?" He looked at me hesitantly.

"Do you see me," I paused again. "Getting back home, alive?"

Chris went white. "I'll find out." He closed his eyes and sat cross legged on the floor and raised his arms to shoulder height. He started shivering violently.

"Right, I'm going to go to sleep and wake up in the other reality and open the gate for you. The gate is right outside so as soon as a wind picks up get out of the tent, take Chris with you and jump through the gate, okay?" Alex asked, staring at me. I nodded.

He jumped inside a sleeping bag and drifted off straight away.

"I-I," Chris stuttered, then gave a sigh of relief. "We get home okay. The both of us."

"What about Alex?"

"He belongs in this world, I can't see his future."

I nodded, sat down on the stony floor and waited.

* * *

_VALKYRIE'S P.O.V_

"We need to go to Aranmore farm RIGHT NOW." Alex woke up with a start.

"Wh-"

"Skulduggery's coming back. He's _coming back._" Alex said hurriedly. He stood up from the table and motioned for us to follow him.

I nodded at the others, and we set off after him, jogging to keep his pace.

"How do you know?"

"I'll explain later just _trust me_." He replied. I nodded.

We got outside and Ghastly unlocked his van and we all jumped inside it. He hit the pedal and we sped off to Aranmore farm.

"Are you going to need me to open this for you again?" Fletcher asked.

"Yes." I said sternly. "No backing out. We _need _him back." Fletcher nodded.

We got to the farm about ten minutes later to find it destroyed and burnt out just like it had been after the last time we had been there.

Alex flung open the back door of the van and sprinted towards where the gate was due to open, and I reached for the skull out of the back. I ran after him but Fletcher stopped me.

"What?" I asked him fiercely.

"Teleport, remember," He said, grinning. I smiled back, and blinked. We were on the other side of the field, near where Alex was standing.

He beckoned for Fletcher to go over to him. He did.

"Put your hand on my shoulder," Alex told him.

"Why? We have the skull..."

"We don't need it. I _am _an Isthmus anchor."

"Oh." Fletcher said, laying his hand on Alex's shoulder but keeping a firm grip on the skull too. "Do we not need all the symbols and stuff?"

"No, we're not freeing the Faceless Ones, just Skulduggery," Fletcher nodded and looked over at me. I smiled, trying to be encouraging. I don't think it worked because he was still crapping his pants. "Ready?" Alex asked him, steadying himself.

"I think so. Hold on," Fletcher said, getting a stronger grip on the skull by grabbing its jawbone. "Okay, let's go." He gulped, and Alex chanted something under his breath.

A fierce wind started to pick up around Alex, whirling bits of plants and dust at me. It got bigger and bigger until the space in front of us started to tear, creating a hole into the other reality. The wind kept picking up, ripping the hole bigger, when Alex stopped chanting.

"Skulduggery! Now!" He yelled through the gate just as a hat flew through. Just a hat. A black, wide brimmed trilby hat. Alex looked worried and glanced at me. I reflected his worry.

Suddenly, there was a tearing noise and something skinny and black flew out of the gate and hit the muddy floor, splattering mud on everyone. Fletcher let go of Alex and the gate closed, but not before a hand escaped through and dived straight at my face.

I splayed the air, forcing it to the ground, then went over and stamped on it.

"I must say you've gotten good since I've been away," A voice said behind me. A velvet voice, the kind you wouldn't mind to read you your death sentence. I turned around.

And there stood a man. Not a skeleton.

A man, skinny and about six feet tall. Wearing a black pinstripe suit – tailored to fit, but still hanging off him. He had jet black hair with a white streak starting at a widow's peak. His hair stuck out in all random directions and twisted back off his forehead. His skin was alabaster pale, and he had blue eyes that you could practically swim in. He was gorgeous.

Skulduggery reached down and picked his hat up off the floor, dusting off the dirt. "It feels odd, having hair." He smiled at me, showing perfectly aligned teeth and perfectly pointed canines. I grinned back, but knew my smile had nothing on his. He cocked his head to the side, just as he used to. "What's wrong?" He asked, stepping closer to me and putting an arm around my waist to steady me.

"What? Noth- Nothing's wrong, Skul," I said, smiling and rubbing my eyes.

"You're crying." He said. I looked at my hand and saw tears where I had rubbed my eyes. I laughed.

"That I am," I said, still laughing. "I missed you, Skul." I wrapped my arms around him and gave him a bone-crushing hug. He laughed.

"Ah, I missed you too Valkyrie." He kissed the top of my head and returned the hug, lifting me off my feet. "I'm quite enjoying this new-fangled body stuff. Though, I am _starving._"


	19. NINETEEN last

**happy new year? ah I got so ill after last night. difficult writing anything, but I'm still soldiering on. though tbh I need to finish the hush, hush one... sorry, rambling, shh! **

**this is the last chapter of the series. from here onwards will just be one shots, so I'm taking ideas. thankzzzzz!**

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_FLETCHER'S P.O.V_

"Valkyrie?" Skulduggery asked Valkyrie as we were walking back to Ghastly's van.

"Yeah?" She looked at him, concerned. I rolled my eyes.

"Am I supposed to feel all weird, like there's no weight on my feet?"

"Well, no, not really, because you weigh a lot more now than you did," Tanith chimed in and Skulduggery pushed her playfully.

"Well maybe it's just a side effect, maybe you're just getting used to having a body," Valkyrie said, linking hands with him. I looked down at his feet.

His shoes were bubbling.

"Uh, Skul?" I looked pointedly at his feet.

"Oh." He said, confused.

"That's not good," Valkyrie said.

His legs were slowly but surely going thinner, wasting away as we watched.

"You know, I think my human form isn't going to last much longer." He sounded truly disappointed, but his voice still lilted with amusement – I don't think many things can dishearten Skulduggery Pleasant.

He looked at his arms and they were wearing away as well, his suit sleeves getting thinner. He sighed.

"Nothing lasts forever, does it?" He said, grinning and ripping open his shirt to see his torso – which was also starting to turn back to skeleton. He buttoned himself back up and straightened himself. He walked closer to Valkyrie and placed his hands on her waist, looking into her eyes. "There's one last thing I need to do,"

* * *

_VALKYRIE'S P.O.V_

"And what's that?" I asked, feeling a smile creep onto my face.

"This." He moved a hand to my face and lifted it up to his, pressing his lips against mine once, twice. He moved me closer to him, not breaking the kiss, and ran a hand through my hair.

I could put up with this new Skulduggery, for sure.

While his tongue explored my mouth, I heard Fletcher cough impatiently in the background, and then heard him 'ouch' when Tanith hit him. Skulduggery pulled back, but only slightly so that he could talk.

He didn't break eye contact with me. "Fletcher, don't deny a skeleton man his pleasures." His eyes widened and Tanith laughed. "That came out wrong." He chuckled, and kissed me once more. I could feel his skull starting to show through. He kissed me one last time, quickly but passionately, and then his skin was gone. He didn't let go of me, just hugged me tighter and hunched his back to put his head on my shoulder, and I snuggled into his suit.

"If I had skin and bodily fluids, I would most likely be in tears right now. How manly of me." He said, laughing. I hugged him tightly.

"Did you really want to be human that much?" I asked, still clutching him.

"Yes." He sighed and let go of me. "Well, now I'm back and now we're one big family again." He took my hand and we started walking back to Ghastly's van again. "By the way, has anyone seen my Bentley?" Ghastly shuffled nervously. "Oh, dear Lord, where is it?"

"We... We don't know." Ghastly said honestly. Skulduggery shrugged and then sighed.

"That'll be our next mystery to solve, then." He said, and I grinned.

We got back to the van and clambered into the back of it, even more cramped than before now that Skulduggery was with us.

"So where to?" Fletcher asked, smiling encouragingly.

"Gordon's," I replied, picking at the hem of my jumper.

"When are you going to start calling it 'home'?" Skul asked me.

"Never, probably." I said, grinning at him. He cocked his head at me in that way he does, like he's making up for not being able to smile, and turned to Ghastly.

"To Valkyrie's," He said, and Ghastly hit the pedal and we sped off back to Haggard.

* * *

"So does anyone have any idea _at all _where my Bentley's gone?" Skulduggery asked for the third time. We all shook our heads.

We were sat around the coffee table in the drawing room, drinking hot chocolate and toasting crumpets on the fire.

"Where did you leave it before you disappeared?" I asked, taking a sip of hot chocolate.

"At the farm." He nodded. "This means someone stole it, because it was definitely not there when we were."

"Are you sure you didn't drive the Purple Menace to the farm?" Tanith suggested.

"I'm positive." He nodded again, and again.

"Why are you nodding?" I asked him.

"Because I'm deep in thought." He replied bluntly.

"So you nod when you're deep in thought?"

"Well, seeing as I have no facial tissue or muscles to make a concentrating, thoughtful face, I figured nodding would make up for it." He nodded again.

"Stop it." I said. He was really getting on my nerves.

"Sorry." He replied quietly.

"What time is it?" Ghastly asked. I motioned to the clock on the mantelpiece.

"23:42" I said, and Ghastly looked pointedly at me.

"Oh you're no fun," Tanith said, grinning.

"Do I have to?" I asked Ghastly, sighing.

"You haven't had any sleep for almost a week now, Valkyrie. You need to get some rest, or your parents will start to notice." Ghastly was stern, but at least he cared for me.

I got to my feet, picked up my mug of hot chocolate and traipsed up the stairs to my room.

"Wait, Valkyrie," I stopped and Skulduggery sprinted up the stairs, taking them two at a time. I stared at him.

"What?" I asked, confused.

"I'm coming with you."

"To bed? Skul I think I'll be pretty safe-"

"No, I mean..." He trailed off and I carried on up the stairs. He grabbed my free wrist. I wrenched it free.

"Skul, what is with you?" I said, more harshly than I intended. I tried to soften my voice. "Sorry. I'm going to bed, Skul, I'll see you in the morning."

"Wait, just hold on a second." He stuttered, and I turned around again.

"I don't want to wake up in there again. In the other world..." He was talking unusually quickly. "I-I don't think I can meditate." He paused and looked at his feet. "Not alone." His voice cracked.

I think my heart just fell out my ass.

I reached for his skeleton hand and took it in mine. "Fine. Come on, then."

He tried to regain his dignity and stand up straighter, but he was not victorious. His shoulders slumped in resignation and he followed me up the stairs.


	20. Snow Cakes

"How much further?" Valkyrie asked, out of breath.

"A couple of miles," Ghastly responded, equally out of breath.

"Why did we come here?"

"Exercise." Skulduggery said happily as he speed-walked past them.

Skulduggery had woken Valkyrie up today and decided they were going to go and get some exercise. Little did Valkyrie know that the 'exercise' he had in mind would be climbing Snowdon – which was covered in snow no less than two feet deep and was raging a blizzard.

He had dressed them up in buffs, hiking boots with crampons, waterproof pants, waterproof coats, fluffy hats and ski goggles and they all looked ridiculous.

Skulduggery marched on ahead before Valkyrie could make a remark about his idea of exercise.

"Can we just turn around and leave him?" She whispered to Tanith.

"Ghastly would shout." Tanith replied, glancing at Ghastly.

"What about Fletcher?"

"I don't suppose he would care, so long as he's alone with you." She raised an eyebrow beneath her goggles. Valkyrie glared at her, then turned around to look for Fletcher. He was halfway back down the path.

"Hey Fletch!" She shouted, cupping her hands over her mouth in an attempt to make it louder. "FLETCHER RENN!" He didn't hear them, and kept walking with his head down.

"FLETCHER RENN!" Valkyrie and Tanith shouted in unison. He looked up, waved a bit too dramatically, lost his balance and fell into the frozen river which was buried under four feet of snow. He screamed.

"Oh, no." Valkyrie said sarcastically. "I think we had better go and help him, should we not, dear Tanith?"

"Yes dear Valkyrie I think it is our duty to help young men in times of need." She said slowly, nodding. Ghastly looked at them, suspecting nothing.

"I think not." A voice said, grabbing Valkyrie's arm just as she was about to run off after Fletcher.

"Skuuuuuuuuuuuuul!" She said, lengthening his name into a groan.

"We are climbing this mountain if it's the last thing we do. You fought off the Grotesquery _twice, _yet you can't climb a mountain?"

"Yeah I can't climb the _biggest mountain in England and Wales _that just so happens to be making me two foot deep in snow wherever I step."

"I'm doing quite fine for my old age." He replied.

"You weigh like two stone. You're made out of bones."

"Yes, that too." He said quietly, nodding to himself.

"Wind's picking up, Skul!" Ghastly shouted from up ahead.

"Oh no." Skulduggery remarked.

"What?"

"I don't weigh enough to stand the wind."

"Ah. So you're in a bit of a pickle, then?" She laughed.

"Bigger than a pickle. More of an aubergine." Skulduggery replied in all seriousness. Valkyrie couldn't help but laugh. Skulduggery swayed a bit. "Oh, here it comes."

"Look out below!" Ghastly yelled as chunks of snow started being ripped out of the ground and thrown across the mountainside, the wind buffeting everything and every_one _about. Skulduggery stuck his arms out to the side to try and balance, but was thrown to the side almost immediately.

"I will not be defeated by the weather!" He shouted, half-laughing half-serious.

"It looks like you already have been!" Tanith shouted, laughing at him being buried in the snow.

He heaved himself back up and brought his fists forward, as if he was attempting to fight the wind.

"Not going to work, Skul," Valkyrie said, grinning.

"Oh you'll see." He splayed both of his hands and manipulated the air, fighting the wind with his own air magic. Where the two forces collided there was a dip forming in the snow and you could see what looked like two semi-circles pushing back against each other.

"Skulduggery Pleasant, who told you that you could beat mother nature?" Ghastly asked, chuckling.

"His ego." I stage-whispered. Skulduggery glared at me for a second but kept most of his attention on the wind. The wind was obviously more powerful than him, and he was slowly being pushed deeper and deeper into the snow.

"Let go." Ghastly said, laughing and putting a hand on his shoulder. He was now only half of Ghastly's height.

Skulduggery took one last push at the wind and then let go. The wind came at him stronger than ever and threw him off his feet and over the side of the path. He kept rolling until he hit a boulder and stopped abruptly. He didn't move.

Valkyrie ran down to meet him, slipping and sliding the whole way. "You okay?" She asked, trying to suppress laughter.

He lifted his left arm wearily and pointed to something in the distance. It was his arm.

She burst out into laughter.

"What's so funny?" He asked, slurring slightly.

"The way you pointed... pointed to your arm," She was getting a stitch in her side. "You were like 'nooooooo'" She laughed again, and Tanith and Ghastly came to see what was going on. Ghastly sighed and went to get the arm.

"I think the lack of oxygen is doing you no good, Valkyrie dear." Skulduggery said, lifting himself up with one arm.

Ghastly came trotting over and passed Skulduggery his arm. He clicked it back into place and straightened his coat.

"Shall we be leaving?" He asked, linking with Valkyrie.

"And I don't think the lack of oxygen has been doing you any good either, Skul." She said, grinning.

"I'm simply being polite."

"You're acting like we're living in the eighteen hundreds and you're courting me."

"Maybe we are, maybe I am." He said innocently.

"I think we should get back to the car." Ghastly said, nodding at Valkyrie.

"I second that." She said. "Come on, Skul." He started humming tunelessly. She grabbed his arm and heaved him back up the hill towards the Bentley.


	21. TWENTYONE

does anyone else hate the little tune that comedy central plays when it's got no more adverts? argh it's infuriating.

okay so maybe these Skulduggery stories will be slightly linked... but nothing like they were before. still just random little adventures, yeah? but if something happens in the chapter before, say, someone dies or someone uses Earth magic, then they will stay that way in the next one and will probably be mentioned in the next one.

**VALKYRIE IS LIKE, 20.**

CIAO :D

* * *

"Do you find it constantly funny to put on films about corpses and skeletons when you're with me?"

"Yes." Valkyrie giggled as Skulduggery slumped back into the sofa in resignation.

"So what's this one now?"

"Corpse Bride, another Tim Burton."

"He likes his skeletons and corpses. Dismal things."

"Yes, he does."

They sat in silence for a while and watched Victor Van Dort was trying to escape the Corpse Bride in the forest.

"It's always Johnny Depp, too." Skulduggery pointed out.

"Yes, it is." Valkyrie replied bluntly. She looked at him, and he had his head cocked to the side, looking like he was fathoming a mystery. "You do know it's not _actually _Johnny Depp, it's just his voice?" She held back a grin as he straightened his head and turned to look at her.

"That explains why he runs so animatedly."

"After watching countless Disney films with me, and watching the Nightmare Before Christmas, you would have thought you would get the hang of animated films," Valkyrie laughed at Skulduggery's expense.

"Ah, it just doesn't make sense to me." He replied, standing up and donning his hat. "Besides, none of the characters have ever looked quite so real in Disney films."

Valkyrie rolled her eyes, then noticed him making his way to the door. "Where are you off to?" She asked, jumping up and tailing behind him.

He stopped and turned around, causing Valkyrie to bump into his tall figure. "I'm going to Starbucks."

"Why?" She stared at him. "You don't drink coffee. You don't drink _anything_."

"I feel like now is the time for a coffee." He tilted his head towards the television. "And a real film. I'm going to the DVD Rental Store."

Valkyrie looked at him, offended. "That's one of my favourite films!"

"Unfortunately, it is not one of mine." He turned back around and opened the door, stepping out into the bitter Winter sunshine.

"I'm coming along for the ride!" Valkyrie said, grabbing a set of keys from the dresser and sprinting out of the door after him, locking it behind her.


	22. TWENTYTWO

"Do you even know where Starbucks is?" Valkyrie asked Skulduggery, who was struggling with the satellite navigation system he had got installed about ten years ago that seriously needed updating.

"I'm doing fine finding it." He replied drily.

"You're going to crash the Bentley." Valkyrie pointed out, watching him swerve across the motorway, causing an angry driver to flip him off and speed around him.

"I'm doing fine driving."

"That tree obviously isn't, because it's heading straight for us."

"Damn it," Skulduggery said, slamming the brakes which resulted in the Bentley power-sliding across the motorway and ending up in the hard shoulder, tyres smoking. "Oops."

"I wish you'd stop breaking this stupid car." Valkyrie remarked. Skulduggery hit her arm lightly.

"It's not stupid. It's _genius._ You're just in denial, dear."

"Sure, sure." Valkyrie nodded and looked out of the window. "Oh, here come the police. What if they make you do a breathalyser?"

"Well, then we're buggered." Skulduggery admitted, checking his wing mirrors to prove Valkyrie's observation. "Buckle your seatbelt and hold onto something."

"Why?"

"You'll see." Skulduggery repeated himself and nodded thoughtfully. Valkyrie fastened her seatbelt and grabbed the handle above the window. "Ready?" He asked, revving the Bentley's engine.

"I gue-" Valkyrie couldn't finish for the breath was taken straight out of her throat as the Bentley flung itself forward at impossible speed, hurtling down the motorway and leaving the police in it's dust.

"Here's the good bit." Skulduggery said, his voice lilting with humour. He reached under the steering wheel to where the pedals were at his feet and something clicked. Part of the dashboard folded up, creating space for a new panel to slide out and flip down to reveal a touch screen display with a digital speedometer in the corner. Black sheets slid down to cover all of the windows so they could no longer see outside, and three more screens flipped down out of the ceiling, showing four views outside – behind, in front, and to each side.

"What is this, the Batmobile?" Valkyrie laughed, amazed.

"Oh believe me, it's better." Skulduggery replied, chuckling and touching buttons, sliding his hand across it to view different displays on the panel. "Here we go," He said, glancing at Valkyrie to check her seatbelt. "Hold on tight."

"Tighter than last time?"

"Yes."

He reached for the a large green button on the display and stroked a gloved hand across it. The Bentley made a whirring sound and then clicked, falling silent again.

"Is that supposed to happen?"

"Yes." Skulduggery didn't sound too sure. He reached forward again to check what had gone wrong, when the Bentley lurched forward, throwing Valkyrie's stomach into her ribs and sent her hurtling into the dashboard, the seatbelt stopping her just in time. The cameras went blank.

The Bentley whirred again, complaining.

"Ooh, that doesn't sound too good." Valkyrie teased, poking the Bentley.

"Don't poke her." Skulduggery replied in warning.

"Her?"

"Yes, her."

"She your bitch?"

"Yes, she is my bitch."

"Am I your bitch?"

"Can we get back to the car subject please?" Skulduggery asked, sighing.

"Sorry." Valkyrie said, giggling. "Where are we?"

"I don't know. We might have to get out to find out."

"Let's go then." She said, reaching for the door handle.

"Don't." Skulduggery said, reaching across her and grabbing her arm. His skull was directly in front of her face, eye-to-eye. They were alone, in the dark. Valkyrie swallowed nervously. Skulduggery withdrew his hand and leant back to the driver's seat, busying himself repairing the camera screens.

"Why not?" Valkyrie asked after what seemed like an age.

"We don't know where we are. We could be in the sea, underground, Aranmore Farm..." Skulduggery trailed off, and Valkyrie knew he was about to say _the Faceless Zone._ "Basically, it's not worth the risk until I sort out this camera."

"Okay."

There was a sharp bang and some smoke came out from under Skulduggery's feet. "There, done." The screens came back to life, displaying a sunlit street with an abandoned old cinema on it. "So _that's _where I programmed the emergency teleport to."

It was the Hibernian Cinema – Kenspeckle's hospital.

"_Emergency teleport?" _Valkyrie asked incredulously. Skulduggery turned and looked at her.

"Of course. What did you think just happened?" He said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"I- Well, not that." Valkyrie admitted, nodding her head and staring out of the windshield, still disbelieving.

"Oh, well, come on then." He attempted to open the car door. "Oh for goodness sake." He lifted his right leg up, prepared himself, and kicked the door open, almost taking it off the hinges. He got out of the car and stood in the street, looking proud of himself.

Valkyrie tried her door unsuccessfully. "You should get these doors fixed!" She shouted, leaning out of the door on the other side and trying to climb over to the other side, but only succeeding in knocking over the half-empty (**AN: I'm a pessimist :P**) McDonalds cup from the last time she got a double cheese burger. "Crap."

She heard the door open behind her and turned around, looking guilty.

"Sorry," She said, half grinning. Skulduggery just stared at her.

"Here I am, being the gentleman; opening your door for you, and there's you spilling mouldy old Coke in my vintage car." He shook his head dramatically.

"That's why you love me." Valkyrie said, grinning and accepting his hand to help her out of the car.

"Indeed." He replied sarcastically.

He kicked the door shut behind her, leaving an even bigger dint than before.

"Ah well, it won't cost me any more than already." He shrugged and slipped his hand into Valkyrie's, linking their fingers. She looked up at him questioningly, and he shrugged again.

"Are we going to see Kenspeckle?" She asked, looking straight ahead at the old cinema.

"No. We're going to borrow his car." He moved his left hand slightly, taking out a pair of giant sunglasses and placing them on his skull. He shuffled his scarf around a bit and tilted the brim of his hat down lower.

"Who are you worried is going to see you? This road is derelict, just like the cinema."

"Remember what I told you on our first adventure?"

"No."

Skulduggery sighed and then coughed dramatically. "_Looks are, more often than not, deceiving. A neighbourhood like this, with its graffiti and litter and squalor; is the safest neighbourhood you could possibly visit. Open the door to any one of these houses around us and you walk into a veritable place. Surface is nothing, Ste-"_

"I get it. Don't use my real name."

"There was another bit." Skulduggery said, hurt. Valkyrie sighed then gestured for him to continue. "_We try to keep the streets as uninviting as possible so no casual passer-by will stop and have a look around"_

"Okay." Valkyrie said. "So basically, everyone here is used to seeing skeleton-men in suits with young girls?"

"From the amount of times we've been here, I'm sure they are used to it, yes. And probably before we came here they were expecting odd things."

"Okay." She said again, nodding.


	23. another AN, lovvers

AUTHOR'S NOTE

sorry I haven't been updating anything for a really long time, I just haven't had the time or the effort to do anything since I spent a couple of week with no laptop around Christmas time D:

I try and write stuff every now and again but it's like a permanent block, it's becoming increasingly difficult to like write anything, but I keep trying like every week

in the mean time, it's lovely to see you all still supporting my stories, reviewing them and stuff, keep it coming :D

if you like personally wanna kill me for not updating, add me on Facebook (I hate for this AN to be like an advertisement but yeah, I thought I should probably explain why I've been ignoring FF (U)) or follow me on Twitter or Tumblr or like anything, really

Tasha Bones Jones (I change it like all of the time though...)

_happylandfill

.com

I promise you all that I will start again soon :} I just need some pretty big inspiration. I don't think I like writing in a box anymore, if you get me, like, restricted with keeping the characters themselves and keeping the storylines vaguely similar... I think for now I'd rather just _write_, yeah?

MUCH LOVE.

t x

PS. I hate to blabber but when I saved this I saved it as 'AN GLEB' when I typed randomly hahahahaha


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